Sacrifice, modesty, and raising a nag.

I will warn you upfront, this entry comes from me, standing on my soapbox, which is labeled "Opinionated Mama." So if you don't want to hear my opinions you needn't read any further; however, I welcome comments and counter-opinions, because I really am not sure I am right.

Sacrifice

I had an opportunity to make a choice recently, which required sacrificing time with my family for taking part in a church meeting. I chose to spend time with my family.

Normally, this is not really a big issue. But I opened my big mouth and shared my opinion with someone else, and then it was shared with someone else, etc. until I was told I was causing offense (unintentionally, on my part, for I thought my opinions wouldn't be shared beyond the intended recipient).

The benefit, if there can be one, from all this commotion I caused was that I began to reflect on the idea of sacrifice. When is it appropriate to sacrifice time from your family? What is the cause that deserves such sacrifice? On one hand, being married in the temple, I am covenanted to spend time with my spouse and children. "Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children.... Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities." (The Family: A Proclamation to the World) All these aspects of family life take time and dedication.

On the other hand, as members of the church, we are encouraged to sacrifice all we have for the gospel, including time and talents. In last week's General Conference, Elder Oaks spoke on sacrifice. He said (and I quote this from the conference archives at lds.org):


"Today the most visible strength of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the unselfish service and sacrifice of its members. ... Truly, our lives of service and sacrifice are the most appropriate expressions of our commitment to serve the Master and our fellowmen....We have no professionally trained and salaried clergy in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. As a result, the lay members who are called to lead and serve our congregations must carry the whole load of our numerous Church meetings, programs, and activities. They do this in more than 14,000 congregations just in the United States and Canada. Of course, we are not unique in having lay members of our congregations serve as teachers and lay leaders. But the amount of time donated by our members to train and minister to one another is uniquely large. 


"Perhaps the most familiar and most important examples of unselfish service and sacrifice are performed in our families. Mothers devote themselves to the bearing and nurturing of their children. Husbands give themselves to supporting their wives and children. The sacrifices involved in the eternally important service to our families are too numerous to mention and too familiar to need mention.... I believe that Latter-day Saints who give unselfish service and sacrifice in worshipful imitation of our Savior adhere to eternal values to a greater extent than any other group of people. Latter-day Saints look on their sacrifices of time and means as a part of their schooling and qualifying for eternity. This is a truth revealed in the Lectures on Faith, which teach that “a religion that does not require the sacrifice of all things never has power sufficient to produce the faith necessary unto life and salvation. … It [is] through this sacrifice, and this only, that God has ordained that men should enjoy eternal life.”

So in this situation, did I make the right choice? I have obligations as a "lay member... called to lead and serve our congregations" to attend such meetings. And yet, nurturing my children is also an example of "unselfish service and sacrifice." Which sacrifice is greater, most appropriate, and most likely to bring eternal reward? I don't know. I chose my family because that is what my heart told me to do... that I could not bring back this moment of 2012 to try and do it again later and create memories with my children at a more convenient time. In my view, it was meeting vs. memories and I chose not to sacrifice making memories.

Modesty

I read a blog recently from a convert to the Church. She shared an experience when she had just joined the Church and wore a sleeveless dress to Sacrament meeting. A "helpful" member told her she shouldn't wear a sleeveless dress, so this woman ceased wearing it, although it was comfortable and not revealing. That in itself is interesting, but the comments from others on her blog were varied in their opinions.

I am a mother who outlaws sleevelessness in its entirety. My boys don't wear sleeveless jerseys or tank tops. My daughter always wears a tee shirt under her jumpers; any dress has to have at least a cap sleeve or a jacket worn over the sleeveless bodice.

Why? First, because I remember as a young girl my mother making me little spring tops with ruffled straps instead of sleeves, and my sisters and I would say how "sexy" we looked and pull the straps down off our shoulders... and we were four or five years old! The attitude that went with a cute and probably innocent style was not the same as a style with sleeves. Second, I don't let my children wear sleeveless shirts because I want them to be in a habit of wearing temple-ready clothing their whole lives. I think it shows a double standard to say tank tops are ok until you are endowed, then they are off limits. If I couldn't wear that style now, I don't want my children wearing it, either. And  thirdly, I know there are perverts out there who will look at any amount of exposed flesh on my daughter and get aroused, so I keep her covered up.

Some arguments on the blog I read said that by being hyper-modest we are teaching our children there is no innocence in the beauty of the body, that it's all designed to attract evil. I do believe the body is a beautiful creation by a loving Father, and that its attractiveness is natural and God-given. However, I still want my children covered up. I never want to encourage an attitude of, "If you've got it, flaunt it." I guess only time will tell if my stance on modesty is effective or overdone.

Raising a nag

I certainly didn't plan on raising a nag. I guess it must be a reflection of my naggishness... my level of nagging... that I am seeing it already in my daughter. Today she got after her little brother (really, he's the only person she can nag, being the only one younger). "You don't like spicy food, so why did you take that chicken wing? If you say you like spicy food that means you like all spicy food, even the really hot stuff. Now you have to eat it." (He did eat it.) Later... "You have to pull out your chair before you try to sit on it. No, not that far! Now you can't reach your food." She got up and pushed in his chair to what she felt was the right distance. "Why don't you listen to me?"

Do I sound like this? I really need to speak more kindly to my children if I do! And heaven help her future husband...