How to impress a boy (the Mormon way)

As I listened to a talk by an EFY speaker, I thought I might try to write a talk in a similar style--funny, upbeat, and targeted to today's youth. This is my first draft, and I know it could use some smoothing out and a nice introduction, but that will come later. Let me know what you think. 

•      Be yourself. Once I was dating a boy who was older, a stock broker, and had a jeep.  But he could not stand country music. I was raised on a farm—what other kind of music would I listen to? But he insisted on introducing me to the rock icons I should have been listening to all my life. In fact, when I said I was a country music fan, his response was, “Oh, we’ll break you of that.” Like it was a bad habit like biting my nails, not a preference. Although he was nice and fairly wealthy, he wanted someone who fit HIS definition of perfect—and I wasn’t going to force myself to change for him. We stopped dating.
•       Don’t flaunt your assets. Whatever assets you might have—money, talents, good looks, nice skin, etc.—the right boy will be impressed by your overall personality and not the flashy side of you. For example: tank tops. I think tank tops are a shirt that is solely designed to flaunt your assets. It shows your skin on your shoulders, your chest, sometimes your cleavage. This is why they are considered immodest—they attract, usually, the wrong kind of attention. I learned this lesson the hard way. I worked one summer at a lake, taking the entrance fee as people pulled in the gates with their boats and campers and picnic gear. Now I had never worn tank tops before this summer—my parents didn’t allow it. But I had bought one white tank top at Kmart or someplace. I would wear it under my work shirt, then take off my work shirt when I got too hot. What did this do for me? Attracted attention from the wrong kinds of boys. I had one guy ask me for my number—and I wouldn’t give it to him. All I told him was the street I lived on and that my mailbox was painted to look like a cow. He showed up on my doorstep a day later, having driven up and down the street for hours looking for a cow-like mailbox. He asked me on a couple of dates—and I went—but he was so not the right type of guy. Now I, in my 18 year old incredibly wise rationale, had thought that if wearing a tank top was the worst of my sins, I would be ok. But I learned that it was my overall image I was projecting that would lead into worse and worse situations.
•        Be truthful and bold in standing for the right. Another boy, same summer: only this one was almost 30 and was a plumber. I was not too impressed, and this time I didn’t give him my address, just my phone number. But he was too smart and reverse searched the phone number, found my address, and showed up at my house. Now I had been given some advice by a girl in my ward who was older and more popular. She said that no matter how bad you don’t want to date a boy, you should at least give them one “pity” date, just so you don’t crush their little hearts. Wrong! Girls, let me tell you that it’s ok to say no to anyone who does not meet your standard—not just because he’s not tall enough, not cute enough, etc. But when it’s important—say, when they haven’t been to church in two years—then I suggest graciously letting them know you are not interested. But like I said, I’d been given the opposite advice, and agreed to go with the 30 year old inactive plumber to the state fair. He took me on so many carnival rides I almost puked on him. Finally the night was over and he brought me home. Then I said I did not want a second date. He said he might start going to church if we dated. Um, the answer is still no. So he showed up at my work the next day. He showed up the next week. He came to my house. He called and called. Finally I had to have the park rangers at the lake tell him to not bother me at work anymore. Being stalked by a plumber was not high on my list of ideal relationships. If I had been truthful (no, I don’t want to date you or even give you my phone number) and bold (get off my front porch), I would have been happier. And just so you know, he got over my rejection: he sent me a wedding announcement a few months later.
•        Be friendly and think of others. When I was in high school, I was labeled a “geek.” I was smart, I was driven to take advanced classes and get a scholarship. I even wore glasses. However, I was too shy and embarrassed about who I was. I thought no one would want to be friends with me because I was labeled. So I never talked to anyone new. I never stepped outside my little circle of friends. And that was a mistake. One day as I was walking between classes, a boy who was in several of my classes actually made eye contact with me and said “hi.” I was shocked. I was so surprised I am sure it showed on my face. But what do you think surprise looks like on someone’s face? It looks an awful lot like, “I’m stuck up and too good for you.” Especially when you don’t say hi back. So even though I passed this boy on the way to my class every day for the rest of the semester, he never said hi to me again. I once heard a talk show host explain that being shy is the same thing as being self-centered. And I thought, “No way. You’re just shy. You can’t help it.” But in reality, you can. Instead of thinking, “I am so embarrassed, I’m not good enough, I’m not popular enough,” think about the other person. How do they feel? Doesn’t everyone like to be noticed, accepted, thanked, acknowledged? Then do that for that person, and don’t think about yourself.
•        Be in the right places at the right times. Two experiences here that are total opposites: First, I was into country dancing in high school. My sister and cousins enjoyed it, too, so we often went together. One night we went to a new dance place. I wasn’t expecting this to be different than my other regular places I danced, but it was. There was smoking right out the back door. There was loud music and a crowded dance floor. And when I got asked to dance, the man who took me out on the dance floor immediately sucked my body up so close to his, that there was seriously NO ROOM for the Holy Spirit. There was just me and him and some sweat. Now if I had been bold (see point #3) I would have said, “Get away—gross!” But I was sheepish. I danced with him. And then he wanted to date me, and his friend wanted to date my cousin. And she was smart enough to say, “No way.” And I used her as my excuse—I can only double date, so if she doesn’t go, I can’t. Be bold! And be in the right places where you can meet the right people.
•        Experience #2: My cousin was attending a singles ward, while I still lived at home with my parents. In this ward they had just formed Family Home Evening groups. She invited me to go with her to their first activity and meet the people in her group, and I said ok. This sounded like the right place, right time. Monday night with a bunch of LDS single adults. Can’t get any better than that, right? We were told that the “father” of this group, James, would be waiting in the driveway to let everyone know where their apartment was, because it was hard to find. Well, we drove back and forth and finally found the address, but there was no James. We went in and found out he was taking a shower (and I thought, great, not only does he not keep his promises, but he’s stinky as well). But the group of people were friendly and talkative and the boys were cooking a Chinese dinner for the girls (AKA ramen noodles). 

     Then he walked in. That was the first time I saw James, and he saw me. Now six months later this is how he told the story: “I walked in and saw her sitting there, and a light shone down from heaven, and the angels sang and blew their trumpets and they said, ‘there she is!’” What did I do to impress him that night? Nothing. I was just my ordinary self—I wore an old but clean and modest outfit, I was a little bit shy but I smiled and tried to make friends. After meeting him three other times at FHE group, he asked me out. And in five months we were engaged to be married. Just being in that place, where the spirit could dwell among friends, and being myself, I met the man I would marry. And that was the best decision I would ever make.