The protagonist of this book keeps a journal, and has since she was 10 years old. In these hundreds of journals, she has written thousands of ways a man could propose to her and what her dream guy/marriage/life should be like. She's 30 and still single, and therefore a little despondent. But even in her current state, she journals every day with a fluffy purple feather pen.
The "twist" or "gimmick" of the book was that God appears to her, and asks her to give up her purple pen. He is going to orchestrate the perfect relationship, but she needs to give up control and let Him do the guiding. Everything from quitting her long-time job to showing up at random laundromats to dancing with God (who is invisible to everyone but her) at a crowded restaurant is asked of her. And I give her credit for having enough faith to do these things, even if she gets really crabby and back talks God some of the time (would someone really do that?).
In retrospect, I found myself thinking that I am a purple pen hogger. I do not like someone else to control my destiny, even if I know in reality my life is never really that much in my control. I like to think it is. I like to imagine my efforts are what guide me to better life situations. But reflecting on the need to trust God and leave the penning of our life story up to him made me realize my pen-hogging is really futile. If I really trust God, and believe He is omniscient, all-powerful, knows when even a sparrow falls, etc., what makes me think I can see my way to a better future than Him?
What really bugs me, I guess, is that I can't see in the future and know what direction things are going to go. It's the not knowing that leaves me wondering... is God even paying attention? Maybe later I'll look back and see what feels like a trial now was really a blessing, or I'll see that disappointments at certain points led to greater joys and more fulfillment. But I can't see that now. I have to blindly stumble along (like this lady who was told to cook teriyaki chicken at 7:24, or show up at the church on such-and-such street in the rain) until some future happiness (hopefully) is reached. Why? What will it get me? Where will life lead after that? Why, why, why? I'm sure God is tired of me asking that.
There are two concepts in juxtaposition here: work and faith. On one hand, we are told to strive for salvation, doing good works, relying on grace "after all that we can do." So we are to be busy. That's okay. I'm busy all the time... it makes me feel in control to be busy, to see my own handiwork. Then there's faith. We are told that faith is believing in things not seen, trusting, and having a hope or assurance that all will turn out well. It's all part of a master plan, right? Well, I'd like to see a copy of the plan, get rid of some of these detours that have been redirecting my path, and stay busy planting flowers along the straight path to the happy life.
Alas, I know that's not how life works. I know I need to leave the purple pen in more capable hands. I know if I take a step in the darkness, the light will catch up and eventually I'll see my way clearly. Yeah, I know... but do I have faith? That's another point that will best be evaluated in retrospect.
Well said, Sarah. Here's hoping we can both give up the purple pen and have more faith, since we both seem to understand the "works" part all too well :)
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