It's 10:47 on a Saturday morning. I'm still in my pajamas. I did have a healthy breakfast of just hot chocolate... because there were no clean bowls from which to eat my cereal. My big plans for today include folding that basket of laundry that has been sitting there since last Saturday, and maybe getting dressed.
That's when I think, "This is insanity."
This thought has plagued me several times since the beginning of the year when it was time to make New Year's resolutions, and I didn't make any. I thought about making some, but couldn't settle on how, exactly, I wanted to change my life.
Insanity.
This one word keeps coming to mind--as defined by Einstein (or not... see an interesting discussion of this quote at Psychology Today... http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-therapy/200907/the-definition-insanity-is). "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."
So if I want my home to be clean and to have a bowl ready to eat my cereal in the morning, I have to do something different. Like not leave the dishes piled in the sink at night.
If I want to feel like my Saturday has a purpose, I need to treat this day differently from last Saturday.
My real goal in life, one I've had since at least fifth grade, is to become a published author. I tried--I wrote a book and sent it out for publication--and was not successful. But I do want to succeed, to try again. I want different results this time.
I read a blog from another author today which reminded me of my deep internal desire to be among the published authors of the world. She's going on tour for her new book in a week, and wrote about her dedication to her genre and the number of other authors she has researched and read in the past year. She's doing it! She's living her dream! And I am so jealous. I want to be that person.
And what's stopping me? Only my own insanity of thinking it'll happen someday... and then waiting. I know I need to put in the effort to make it happen. To make it a living, breathing, demanding part of my life... like a fifth child. Ugh... that sounds like so much work! And that's when I stop.
I dream a lot, but work so little. Somehow this equation needs to balance better.
I admire my husband, who is going back to college now. It's super hard! College is so much more demanding than I remember it being when I was 20. He is only a couple of weeks into the semester but he's a changed person--a better person, I think. So admirable. So NOT insane. :)
So I think I'll take a few minutes today to do something different. Maybe I'll start with getting dressed. And loading the dishwasher. And I can tell myself I did some writing today. And I can rethink what goals I have for the rest of the new year... and then actually make some goals and write them down and put them in front of my face each day... and then actually get up and do them.
Maybe I won't be so insane after all.
